Hogwarts, A Musical
by Dark Veritas
Summary: Hermione wakes up one day and all of Hogwarts is singing to each other. She cant help but tell her deepest secrets to the world...but what happens when neither can the rest of the school...including a certain Slytherin?


THE FOLLOWING WAS INSPIRED BY JAMIE GRANT!! Lol I love you Jamie…yes dat way… moves eyebrows suggestively

If you thought the last chapter was funny, you'll love this…omg I have no idea why I chose to do this. It took my like two hours to write this chapter…. I don't know why. My friend Jamie told me to do it. She is my beta reader. "Beta Betty"

Ok what she may have imagined would not have made any sense…but it was _a lot _funnier.

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_**If sexual innuendoes offend you, I suggest you leave…do not flame if because then that's your problem…not the story's. **_

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_**p.s. this story isn't supposed to make sense. Don't flame me on that…I'll just delete it because you're telling me something that I already know. **_

Chapter Two: Baby Got Back

The wind was speeding through Draco's hair as he flew around the empty stadium. He saw Pansy there. She was one of those girls that would do anything, _anything_ to get what she wanted. Pansy was pretty but for some reason he couldn't get Hermione Granger out of his mind. She was beautiful and smart. What else could a guy ask for…? _She is a mudblood, _He reminded himself. He glanced down and saw her lick her lips. He growled fiercely and flew himself down. Landing softly, he called her over. Pansy smirked at her "friends" as if she had just won some great prize. If he said something, mean to her he would break her heart.

_Oh well. _

"I don't want to see your ugly _pug face_ again Parkinson," he snarled. You would think she would be heartbroken.

On the contrary, she put her hands on her hips and said snapping her fingers "Don't be all up in my kool aid!" Draco stared at her. _Wow, this girl can't even come up with a near logical comeback. _After a few seconds she said, "Wait…_are you calling me a bitch?"_

Draco smirked. "Well not entirely, take it as you see fit…but sorry Parkinson…I'm not really a dog person…"

"So what do you want me to dress up as a cat or something?" she said. _Dear God help me._

"Look…I like you like I like dogs, leashed. And if you didn't notice; I've been comparing you to dogs for the past 5 minutes. Cant you take a hint?"

Pansy opened her mouth and closed it. Suddenly a wide smile appeared on her face. She neared him, fiddling with his robes.

"Ohhh…Draco. I see what you want now. I didn't know you liked it _rough. _So this time, would you like _me_ to be on _top?_ Is that what you have been fretting about?" Draco swatted her hands away. Draco was close to hitting her on the head when he heard a distant noise from the other side of the pitch. He looked and saw a swarm of red and gold flying their way. It was their practice time, he guessed.

He also, noticed, to his torturous delight, Hermione was accompanying them. She walked over to their area but made sure to distance herself from them. She glanced at them and was met with many sneers from the Slytherin Girls. She opened a book she was carrying and started reading. For some reason, he found himself getting on his nimbus and flying over. He landed right next to her. Oddly, she didn't notice. He coughed loudly causing her to bolt up and give a silent scream.

"Holy crap Malfoy what are you doing?" He walked closer to her and said, "Just though I'd annoy my favorite mudblood." He saw her cheeks turn red and he found himself wanting to make her angrier…just for the fun of it. In some odd way, he got off on it.

"Don't call me a _mudblood!_" she yelled.

"But Granger that would be lying. And you know me, I can never tell a lie."

"Oh really?" she said standing up so they were face to face. "Well stop! Don't say that word ever again or I will hex you to hell!" She turned and was about to leave when he put his hands on her books and forced them down. She didn't even glance at him when she bent over.

Although she was only down for one second it felt like an eternity. She had the biggest, roundest, most curvaceous…

He barely heard Pansy talking very loudly.

_"Oh, my, god, Millicent, look at her butt. _

_It is so big. She looks like,_

_One of those Gryffindor guys' girlfriends._

_But, y'know, who understands those Gryfindorks?_

_They only talk to her because _

_She looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?_

_I mean, her butt, is just so big. _

_I can't believe it's just so round, its like, out there, I mean- gross. Look! _

_She's such a …. Mudblood"_

Draco felt something erupt in his…diaphragm. He did not know what was making him feel this way but he knew that after he did what he had to do…he would feel better. Somewhere in the stadium,…he heard music start to play. He looked around and saw the Gryfindors stop practice and look around. He blinked … and suddenly he was on the quidditch pitch with Hermione. He looked up and saw Hermione looking around wildly. She turned around sharply when she heard his voice.

_I like big butts and I can not lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist_

_And a round thing in your face_

_You get sprung_

_Wanna pull up tough_

_Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed_

_Deep in the robes she's wearing, _

He looked at Hermione and noticed that she was red as a beet. He enjoyed her under pressure so he decided to make it harder for her. He walked up to her and was circling her.

_I'm hooked and I can't stop staring_

_Oh, baby I wanna get with ya _

_And take your picture_

_My Slytherins tried to warn me_

Draco made suggestive movenments with his hand. He made as if to grab her butt but held back. Maybe because of the noise or maybe they were just taking a walk but a group of Slytherin boys appeared from the entrance to he castle and was pointing to Draco and Hermione laughing and moving their heads to the beat.

_But that butt you got_

_Make Me so horney_

_Ooh, rump of smooth skin_

_You say you wanna get on my nimbus_

_Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy_

After saying 'nimbus' he grabbed his nimbus (the broom) an got over it, putting it to a slant. He stared fixedly at Hermione and started moving up and down the broom. He could hear the Gryfindorks yelling something but he didn't know if they were laughing or it was out of rage.

_I've seen them dancin' _

_The hell with romancin'_

_She's Sweat, Wet, got it goin like a firebolt_

He went over to the group of Slytherins and it was as though he was talking to them.

_I'm tired of magazines_

_Saying flat butts are the thing_

_Take the average slytherin and ask him that_

_She gotta pack much back_

Hermione saw the Slytherins nod and cheer. Soon it was as though they were at a concert and they were jumping up and down.

_So Slytherins(yeah) Slytherins (yeah)_

_Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)_

_Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt_

Out of no where appeared this very, _very _"healthy" looking Slytherin girl and Draco went over to her, put his hands on her hips and shaked her "healthy" but.

_Baby got back_

_I like'em round and big_

_And when I'm throwin a gig_

_I just can't help myself_

_I'm actin like an animal_

_Now here's my scandal_

_I wanna get you home_

Hermione was so embarrassed that she covered her face with her hands. She was near tears.

_And UH, double up UH UH_

After the previous line Hermione would have sworn she heard some odd animal cry.

"Hermione!" yelled Harry. _He chooses to come now._ "Was that a _whip?"_

_I aint talkin bout playwizard_

_Cuz silicone parts were made for toys_

A Slytherin boy, that Hermione recognized as Marcus Flint, handed Draco some kind of carton.

_I wannem real thick and juicy_

_So find that juicy double_

Draco walked over and dropped the juice on _his _butt. He walked in front of her…doing the butt clap, drops of juices spilling all over her.

_Malfoy's in trouble_

_Beggin for a piece of that bubble_

Draco pulled out an tube in which he would blow bubbles with. Many bubbles flew out, flying towards Harry and attacking him. He nearly fell off his broom.

_So I'm lookin' at rock videos_

Pansy walks over and he pushes her to the ground. Out of no where the "healthy" Slytherin girl appears.

_Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes_

_You can have them bimbos_

She jiggles her ass in his pelvic area and he slaps her butt.

_I'll keep my women like Flo Jo_

_A word to the thick soul sistas_

_I wanna get with ya_

_I won't cus or hit ya_

_But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --_

_Til the break of dawn_

_Baby Got it goin on_

Pointing to the Gryfindors who were still trying to get rid of the bubbles that were attacking Harry he sang:

_Alot of pimps won't like this song_

_Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it_

_But I'd rather stay and play_

_Cuz I'm long and I'm strong_

_And I'm down to get the friction on_

He did the moonwalk over the Slytherin girls and yet again pushed Pansy down. He was handed some black sunglasses and jacket, a hat, and a cane.

_So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)_

_Do you wanna roll in my Nimbus (yeah)_

_Then turn around_

_Stick it out_

_Even Gryfindors got to shout_

Hermione looked at the Gryfindors…hoping…praying that they didn't shout…

_Baby got back!!! _

…said the Gryfindors in unision.

_Yeah baby_

_When it comes to females_

_Cosmo ain't got nothin to do with my selection_

_36-24-36_

_Only if she's 5'3"_

A midget walks over and starts shaking her butt to him. He kicks her away.

_So your girlfriend throws a Nimbus_

_Playin workout tapes by Fonda_

_But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Nimbus_

_My basilisk don't want none unless you've got buns hun_

_You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt_

_Some brothers wanna play that hard role _

_And tell you that the butt ain't gold_

_So they toss it and leave it_

_And I pull up quick to retrieve it_

_So cosmo says you're fat_

_Well I ain't down with that_

_Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin_

_And I'm thinkin bout stickin_

_To the beanpole dames in the magazines_

_You aint it miss thing_

_Give me a sista I can't resist her_

_Red beans and rice did miss her_

He gets on his nimbus, flies over to Harry (yes still with the bubbles) and gives him a noogie.

_Some knucklehead tried to dis_

_Cuz his girls were on my list_

_He had game but he chose to hit 'em_

_And pulled up quick to get with 'em_

_So ladies if the butt is round_

_And you wanna triple X throw down_

_Dial 1-900-Malfoy and kick them nasty thoughts_

Finally walking over to Hermione, he got really close and grabbed her ass.

_Baby Got Back._


End file.
